I’m at my friend’s house. Unfortunately the lounge door handle has come off at the other side of the door and I’m stuck at her house alone! I phone her and ask how long she’s got going to be. A whole hour! I need to go to the toilet! I hang up and try to distract myself! I walk up and down! Stick my fingers up my arse and try to push the turd back up. I try sitting on the couch and play candy crush! I can’t concentrate! I Google how to hold my poo! Apparently I need to clench my arse cheeks! I try but it’s no good! It’s coming out! I phone my friend again to try and hurry her along. In the end I have an idea! My friend is so houseproud and if I poo anywhere in the room she’ll kill me! Problem solved! I take off my leather jacket and place it on the coffee table! I’ll just throw it in the bin when I get out! Nice satisfying shit!
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